Ich hiesse Tilly

My name is Tilly. I was born in France, but speak perfect English with a British accent, although I can't remember where I learned. I love nothing more than taking long drives through the European countryside. In fact, I'm currently on a 5000 kilometer roadtrip through all of Western Europe with an American family. I get the feeling they have absolutely no idea what they're doing.

I have an innate sense of direction and unparalleled knowledge of European roadways. I'm excellent at giving directions, especially if the directions are to 'go straight on'. You could almost say it is what I was built for. Despite my many talents, though, my adopted family has a tendency to disregard my polite instructions in order to forge their own path. It might be an American thing, but they also keep referring to doing everything the Doran Way; whatever that means. I recognize Doran as an Irish name, but my new family seems to think they're from Hungary. Perhaps they have poor breeding. Or, perhaps, as previously considered, they truly have absolutely no clue what they're doing here. I'm beginning to fear I may not return from the trip alive. The Doran Way has already added 8 hours to a simple drive to München and caused several incredibly awkward and irresponsible situations all across the streets of London despite my cacophonous proximity alarms.

I am buckled under the weight of their luggage. It's piled unceremoniously inside a canvas sack on my roof like some bulbous underwear-filled beret. Cruelly hooked through my doors with straps that are hewing my paint and rending my upholstery. The straps wick water during the rain and flood my interior. An interior now bloated by the boisterous presence of my American captors. I have 7 seats, but they were not designed for so many singing tourists. Profanity rings from my windows. They are sapping my power from every port and have no regard for my seats.

I am a lease, not a rental. That means this herd of Dorans truly and legally own me. They draw straws for my driver's seat and bemoan my leg-room. Today they are taking me to Budapest. I once dreamed of going there, but that dream has turned to waking nightmare.

Ich hiesse Tilly. My name is Tilly. I am a 2014 Renault Grand Scenic and I will never see my home again.